Intact!

 Both of my boys are intact (meaning they've never been circumcised). I'm often asked by mamas how we came to that conclusion and what sorts of things they should say to their family/friends/significant others in order to make the argument for staying intact.

Here’s all the arguments you’ll ever hear and why I ruled them out. First, I’ll say, when I found out my 1^st was a boy, I immediately thought we’d have him circumcised, because my husband is circ’d and that’s just what you do, right?

Then I started reading, because I can’t help myself.

I cried, for about 4 hours straight, and then whenever I thought of it again. Reading the descriptions of both methods of circumcision, reading the horror stories,  reading how this barbaric practice came to be. I don’t consider myself to be an activist about much, but when it comes to circumcision, I am. I just feel so awful for all those little baby boys, being tortured in their first moments outside of their mother’s womb. L

One of the convincing arguments I’d always read was that it was religiously called for. The thing is, it’s only called for if you are Jewish, and even then, the original practice of circumcision was NOT a complete removal of the foreskin, it was a tiny snip through the foreskin which would heal (and not affect the foreskin at all) and leave a scar, showing your covenant with God. If you feel called to have this covenant with God, I suggest you practice the original act of circumcision, not a modern one. Along the same religious lines, I’m of the opinion that we’re born perfect. If, by some odd work of nature, we’ve come to not need a part, it will eventually disappear on its’ own.

A side note, speaking of something we’re born with that is no longer necessary – ever heard of an appendix? Our appendix is completely unnecessary anymore, and actually a danger if it bursts, yet we don’t remove every newborn’s appendix. If you were to believe that newborns can’t feel pain, as many pro-circumcisers say, why wouldn’t we just remove their appendix at birth?

Uncircumcised boys are more likely to have STDs or infections, right? Nope, research has shown that to not be true. The US has the highest rates of circumcision in the world and also the highest rates of STDs and infections. I believe this mistaken impression comes from people who “clean” the penis by pulling back the foreskin and scrubbing with soap. This has the same effect as cleaning in the vagina with soap – it removes the good bacteria and allows the bad bacteria to take over. I actually suffer from horrible yeast infections if I use soap to clean my lady parts.

Cleaning it seems intimidating – I’ve never even seen an intact man, I didn’t know what to do with that extra skin. The thing is, you don’t have to do anything. It’s actually LESS care than is needed for a circumcised penis – since when a boy is circ’d it has to be kept clean & dry during a period when little boys are peeing and pooping on themselves. You wash the outside and don’t pull back on the skin at all. The very few times my boys have had poo that got into the tip of the penis, it just washed right off. Nothing a bath can’t take care of ;)

He’ll get made fun of in the locker room! I have a very short answer for this – as my husband said “if other boys are looking at his pecker, he’s got bigger problems than getting made fun of.” Most boys don’t shower naked with other boys any more in school.

He’ll be different than his daddy! Yup, in more ways than just his penis, like his nose, but I don’t plan to give him rhinoplasty. By the time he is big enough for his private parts to look similar to his daddy’s (including pubic hair and size), they really shouldn’t be naked together anymore. My husband has no idea whether his dad is circ’d or not.

The convincing statistic for my husband is that intact males are about 25% larger in size than circumcised males when fully erect. The belief is that this is because the foreskin gives the penis extra room to grow. My husband was pretty upset to learn he could have been 25% larger.

I was also strongly affected by the origins of modern circumcision – a practice started by the Catholic Church to stop boys from masturbating. It sickens me L I hope as a society we’ve come far enough along to realize that a little body exploration by kids is completely normal and even expected. 

Paleo Banana Chocolate Chip Pancakes

I've recently (30 days ago on Monday!) started the Paleo lifestyle ("diet" - though this is a change in how I eat forever, so I don't like to call it a diet). Basically, eating Paleo means you eat the items that would've been available to cavepeople back in the day. No grains, no sugar, no legumes (though I sometimes cheat there!), some also do no dairy or dairy products. You'll also strive to eat grassfed meats and only use grassfed dairy products. You strive to eat organic fruits and vegetables. When I first considered Paleo about 6 months ago, my head just about exploded thinking about it. It was beyond me to comprehend eating like this. Now, though, it is EASY. Way easier than eating conventionally and trying to be healthy. My meals look like this, for the most part:

I'd seen the recipe floating around for 1 banana + 2 eggs = pancakes. I'd tried it. It was good, but it was not pancakes. So I tweaked and altered until I came up with something that is still easy, still Paleo, and tastes/feels like pancakes. 

What you'll need:

2 eggs (organic, free range, preferably local)

1 medium banana

2 Tbs Almond Meal

2 Tbs Coconut Flour

1 Tbs Flaxseed Meal

1 Tbs *Enjoy Life Chocolate Chips (if wanted)

This recipe is pretty forgiving. If you only have coconut on hand, just use coconut. I've added a TBS of Almond Butter instead of Almond Meal and that was also really good. Also all of these flours/meals can be made at home with a food processor (or I use my Magic Bullet with the flat blades on it <<-- Magic Bullet always sounds like a vibrator to me). 

Mix everything except the chocolate chips in a blender. Add chocolate chips and stir by hand. 

These pancakes cook differently than conventional pancakes. They do not bubble and they burn more easily. I turn my burner to about a 5 (medium heat) and let the pan get hot, then turn it down to a 2 (low heat) and add coconut oil or butter. Once it is melted in there, drop batter into the pan by the heaping tablespoon. 

Let them sit until they are puffy (they will rise a litte) and looked cooked on the bottom half (ie not runny), then flip them. They will not bubble like conventional pancakes. I leave mine about 4-5 minutes on the first side. 

Leave them another 2-5 minutes on the 2nd side, and then remove from the pan to a plate. These are excellent with maple syrup, or copy me and add a little all fruit strawberry jelly to the top for a chocolate-strawberry pancake - YUM!

Even the baby likes them! 

I added these to Myfitnesspal as "Paleo banana chocolate chip pancakes". It makes 8-9 total. 4 fill me up, but even if you eat the whole batch, it's not that horrible calorie wise, which brings us to another reason I love Paleo - I don't have to track calories. I tracked for a week and it was pretty near impossible for me to get over 1300 calories a day. Good enough for me!
Here's the nutritional Info:

I'd love to hear how yours turn out, too!

Latchkey Dog

Fourteen years ago my life changed because I met you. I was a college student and working part-time as a rotating bank teller (meaning basically I worked for whichever branch needed me that week) and this particular week I was stationed off of Chapman Highway (in Knoxville, TN). There was a neato little pet store right across the highway, so during lunch and after work I'd stop by. There was this particular little brown and white Jack Russell Terrier who was just adorable and in a kennel right by the front door of the shop. Unfortunately he was some astronomical price for a poor college student, like $750 or something. He made me fall in love with Jack Russells, though, so I went home and (the equivalent of Googled, but I don't think Google existed yet, so I probably typed it into Yahoo or something) JRTs and read a LOT. After another week or so I looked up breeders in the area. I ended up finding a lady just a few more miles down Chapman Highway and set up an appointment to come and see her dogs. She told me over the phone that she bred rat terriers, JRTs, and min pins (glutton for punishment?) Her JRTs were $500, rat terriers were something like $200. I didn't really like the look of rat terriers, but I thought I would come and see if I fell in love with a puppy, since I couldn't afford JRTs, apparently. I went to visit the lady and she showed me a litter of rat terriers that really looked like a litter of rats. I wasn't so impressed, but oh- how I wanted to be a dog owner that day. I told her the story of the JRT at the Pet Store and how I love him, but he is so expensive. "OH!" she says, "Let me go get his brother!" Turns out it was her pup for sale at the Pet Store, though both of you had actually come from a neighbor breeder who was too old and had possibly somewhat neglected you pups.

Baby Latch 

You were the CUTEST puppy I'd ever seen. Also the least interested in having anything at all to do with me. I normally have pretty good luck with animals loving me. Not you. You were much more interested in the rat litter, the ball of string in the corner, the pool table, some random dog biscuit - you wouldn't even look at me, much less come to me. The lady told me since you were so unsocial and neglected, she would sell you for $200. My bargain basement buddy, I was determined to make you love me. I sat in the corner and looked at the time - 1:00. I decided I'd give you two hours to come to me, and if you did, we'd go home together. I tried every trick I knew - I threw balls, I offered treats, I looked at the floor, I looked at you, I sang songs, I made funny noises, I slapped my hands on the floor, I acted indifferent, I acted in love. You just didn't care. That's actually an understatement. It was more like you were completely oblivious to my presence in the room.

I was resigned to the fact that I wasn't taking home a JRT that day when the lady said "You know, I could just take this one to the pet store and bring the other one back for you? If you'd prefer?" She was worried she was losing a sale and she needed to close the deal. I looked at my watch - 2:52. Her offer seemed promising. Your brother dog loved me already and was a very happy, nice puppy. I looked at you, ignoring me still, sniffing out some treasure near one of the legs of the pool table. "Welllll....." I said. You still had a few minutes before I was giving up on you. I stood up. Stared into space. Unsure of what to do, and being super indecisive, and completely unaccustomed to animals being indifferent to me, I wanted to win. Just then, I felt something wet on my foot. I looked down, and there you were, licking my flip-flop clad foot. "Nope!" I said, "I'll take this one!" and scooped you up to take you home.

You were a hot mess from day 1. You wanted to be close to me, but not have me touching you., unless I was crying and then you'd come lay on my lap for a cuddle. You were headstrong and crazy. You'd run into traffic, pick fights with bigger dogs, swim ANYWHERE there was water (you once jumped into a cattle trough that was a good 4 feet taller than you). That first apartment we lived in, you dug up the carpet at every door whenever I was gone. you probably ate 47 pairs of my underwear over the years :-/ I'm still a little mad about the one pair that had the beautiful matching bra..

There was another renter in the apartment complex who would dump their kitty litter outside of their apartment (GROSS), and you would try to eat it EVERY time we went for a walk. You got pretty good about acting nonchalant and hanging out close to me like there wasn't kitty litter RIGHT THERE and then waiting until we were super close and DASHING off hoping you could get there before I noticed and stopped the (retractable) leash. If you ever got loose, I could just turn and walk away, you'd come running right to me. Everybody loved you! You were a very muscular little dog and you were a little bit haughty. You never had much patience for children.  Basically, you were a completely typical Jack Russell - full of energy, full of life.

Always up for a game of catch, you could snag tennis balls out of midair

I think you were happiest when we moved to the Texas Panhandle. Full of all sorts of new dangers for a little Jack Russell Terrier, you were happy to run free and get into trouble all the time. I will never forget all of our travels, or how you were my little "crime scene" investigator. I would take you out when I had mortality signals (on radio-transmittered Rio Grande wild turkeys) and say "where is it? who did it?" and you'd follow the scent trail to a kill site, or a stash, or some other incriminating evidence.

Latch and Sierra's first meeting

I will never forget the fear in my heart when, 45 minutes from the tiny town of Clarendon, deep in the back country, you found the first rattlesnake I ever heard (but certainly not the last). I didn't see it because it was late March and he wasn't all the way awake or out of his hole. But I heard it, and I saw you jump back. I searched you and found nothing. We went on about our work. Finally I noticed that you were acting funny - walking loopy and sluggish, panting, searching out shade. I searched you again and found two tiny punctures in your nose. I called my mom and said "Tell me rattlesnakes aren't lethal to dogs!!! Look it up on the internet, I'm sure I've read that they aren't lethal to dogs!!!" She said "No, I'm pretty sure they are" and wouldn't look it up for me. This was way before Smart Phones, I was stuck. If you were going to die, I wanted to just hold you and cry with you, not rush you to town (since we were 45 minutes away). I decided to go with what I remembered and raced you to the Vet. $360 later, I had a very loopy, but just fine (except for the massive neck swelling that looked like goat balls) Jack Russell Terrier. It was that day that I first thought "this dog is going to lead a very exciting life and probably a very horrific (but quick!) death". I was sure I'd never have to put you to sleep. I was sure you'd run out into traffic, or get kicked by a horse, stomped by a bull, or get in a fight you couldn't win, or find another rattlesnake that got you in a more permanent spot (the Vet said that your nose was the best location, since nothing would swell that could end up infected or closing your airways).

Latch, Sierra, mama and baby Gray

Two days ago I finally had to admit that just wasn't true. You were 14 years old and some change. I couldn't find you - normally over the last few years you spend the day sleeping in the laundry room. I found you sleeping outside and at first I thought you had passed. I hadn't seen you for many hours and that was abnormal for you. When I got close I could see you breathing, asleep. You picked your head up and perked your ears and I thought you were just tired. I've known for some time that you were getting close to your last days, and I still hoped that you would pass peacefully, on your own. You wagged your tail a bit and I said "hey Buddy" and you wagged more. I walked over to get my paintbrush (we are remodeling) and you stood up to follow. You were, unfortunately, not OK at all. You must have had some kind of stroke, or seizure. Your head was cocked to the side funny and when you walked, you flopped over sideways or got kind of tipsy, almost walking in circles. Your eyes jerked back and forth uncontrollably. I took you inside and cuddled with you. Made you a nest in the corner where you spent the night. Made you a tenderloin dinner, which you threw up, and that's when I knew for absolutely sure that I needed to let you go. You threw up water, food, anything.

Relaxing in the sun

I've cried a lot. A lot more than I expected. It's not like I didn't realize you were going to die. Sometimes I even hoped you would die, especially on your own. There were days you annoyed me to no end, like when you were incessantly barking. In these last few months, incessant barking was your MO, since you were 2/3's blind and more than 1/2 deaf - you barked when the wind blew. But we have a lot of memories together. You are the only constant in my life since my Dad died. Most of all, I just really wish I had taken you for a few last adventures in these last few months. You would've loved to go swimming at the lake, running at the Preserve, even just riding around in the truck. I let life and children get in the way of your happiness and I'm so sorry for that. I will never forget you, little buddy. I will never forget how awful I felt in those last moments, wishing I had cherished you more in these last months. You are my reminder to cherish every minute with those I love. I love you.

I've Got a Disease

Doctors are sure that my condition is curable, with their help. My disease could be life threatening, if I were to stay home and do nothing, according to most of the Medical Community. My illness needs lots of monitoring, tests and constant Doctor supervision. My illness has already cost my insurance company thousands of dollars and will cost thousands more.

My sickness is pretty common, actually, at least in females. I've even had this condition once before and I ended up in kidney failure because of it. Almost all of my female friends have had this illness, too. Some people actually get it on purpose (me included, both times!) It's been around for millions of years and it is totally preventable. In other Countries, it's not even considered an illness, nor is it usually treated in a hospital.

My Health Practitioners want me to eat healthy and not gain weight, but my condition makes me want to eat constantly and I am gaining weight, despite my healthy eating habits (though admittedly, I'm nowhere near perfect!) My condition this time around has made me hypoglycemic, so I am also craving sugars and I actually need to eat constantly (8 times a day!) so I don't get nauseous, dizzy or potentially pass out. My doctors would like for me to exercise, but also be on bed rest. My doctors would prefer for me to stay in a hospital until my illness is cured.

I don't think I have an illness at all. I think I have a miracle, a blessing, a gift. I'm not crazy, though I may be a little hormonal. I'm growing a baby in my belly and it takes a lot out of me, but I wouldn't call my future child a parasite or a tumor. I don't think of my child as a sickness or a disease. I don't think my child needs to be surgically removed, though many Doctors would disagree. I don't even think my first child needed to be surgically removed, though obviously my first Obstetrician would completely disagree and didn't ask for or receive my consent to do a Cesarean, although the reason for my Cesarean was a non-emergency (Failure To Progress).

My doctors want me to be monitored constantly. I recently had to collect all my urine for 24 hours and take it to be tested for protein levels. I've had my blood drawn and tested 5 times in the last 10 weeks, and we've still got 10 weeks to go. I've had to drink glucose drinks, pee in cups, be exposed, have 3 ultrasounds and constantly take blood pressure readings. I think I need to avoid stress this pregnancy, yet my midwives completely dumped me ("transferred" because it will be easier now than later in pregnancy) at 28 weeks pregnant. I transferred to an OB who is known for having a VERY high VBAC (vaginal birth after Cesarean) rate and a very low Cesarean rate and who has a nice, fancy, well-thought-of Hospital. This OB requires that I have an IV and be constantly monitored once I go into labor. Constant fetal monitoring is known to cause more interventions than are necessary. Constant fetal monitoring leads to a higher Cesarean rate. I think I've convinced them to just do an IV lock and not a full IV - because with an IV I'd be tied to a pole and after my recent stint in the Hospital, I can say it severely limits mobility - and I was only 26 weeks along then. Not only that, but if I have a full IV running, some "savvy" nurse could slip me something without my consent. If you haven't figured it out, I don't trust the Hospital or the staff there.

I'm hiring a Doula, which I think is ridiculous - I have to hire someone to be in the room with me and protect my rights as a patient. I have to pay someone, out of pocket, to make sure unnecessary interventions aren't taken. I have to hire someone to tell me what interventions are being taken and what the pro's and con's of those interventions are - which should be the job of the nurses and obstetrician.

First do no harm: The motto of doctors. I feel pretty harmed by the birth of my first child, the curing of my condition. I hope to heal with this birth, but the US medical system is certainly making that awfully difficult.

The Baby Post!

I haven't posted yet about this pregnancy because... I don't know why. Possibly because there is too much to post about and I've been so busy with work and Toddler Gray that I haven't had time to sort out all the posts I need to write. Like: How do people have a toddler and a newborn? In my mind, it is a black hole of insanity and I'm just not sure how it will work. Or: Preparing our toddler for a newborn (better title: how much our toddler is completely oblivious to the expectant arrival of a tiny, needy, precious, crying human).

Today I want to talk about how completely different this pregnancy is compared to my 1st and how everything doctors tell you about pregnancy diet is a complete sham.

The symptoms: with Gray I was sick with morning sickness from about 4 weeks until about ... 38 weeks, when he was born. It was really bad (though I did not throw up, I constantly felt like I would) until about 12 weeks when it got better for a few weeks, but anything constricting on my belly made me nauseous and motion sickness was at an all-time high for me (which, if you know me, is saying A LOT). I had no cravings the entire pregnancy, I had loads of aversions and most of the times meals were very planned and based on what was most healthy + I could stomach. I ate because I needed to, 3 times per day. I followed Brewer's Diet very closely to try and avoid preeclampsia and in spite of it, had high BP my entire pregnancy and ended up in kidney failure with pre-e. I gained at least a pound a week from about 6 weeks onward.

This pregnancy: I had very light, easy morning sickness from about 5-12 weeks, that peaked at 7 weeks and made me need to lie down a few times, but nothing too serious. I've had cravings from about 3.5 weeks onwards, everything from milkshakes to tater tots and lots and lots of pickles. I could eat all day. I could eat anything. I have eaten an entire pineapple upside-down cake. I eat chocolate covered pretzels for snack. I don't even really try to be super healthy, though I do eat organic and avoid food colorings and all the other things that I always do, I make no attempt to avoid sugar and I am perfectly happy covering my mashed potatoes in lots and lots of white gravy, thank you! In spite of this AWESOME diet, I have gained - not one single pound. In 18 weeks. I'm exactly the weight I was prior to getting pregnant, which is 10 pounds less than when I got pregnant with Gray. And my BP? So far - completely normal. I feel pretty great.

So my conclusion, based on my sample size of 2, is that pregnancy diets are BS. Your body reacts to pregnancy and that determines what you do or don't crave, how you feel, if you gain weight and how much (I may still get to gain quite a bit, I do have 22 weeks left!), whether or not you get preeclampsia. I think it is all determined before you ever even pee on a stick. I think that little blastocyst already has your body programmed and from that moment forward, your actions may help or hinder, but they aren't going to change the course. (Except of course for really dumb things like fetal alcohol syndrome and crack babies and that sort of thing). So I think women should be encouraged by their doctors to follow the signal of their body and maybe everything else will work itself out in the end, especially if we stop covering moms-to-be in guilt of diet and exercise (though you should totally exercise) and weight gain. Let a mother's body do what it was built to do!

Organic

I used to be one of those people. Probably the same as some of you. I thought organic was codeword for sucker. I thought the people who bought organic were paying for the privilege of being ripped off. Dummies, I thought. I remember when I worked in the daycare nursery, a mom got mad at me for giving her son store-bought conventional green grapes (he was 18 months old) on St. Patrick's Day. She told me most grapes were grown in foreign countries where it was legal to spray arsenic to kill bugs. I told her I'd washed the grapes and was secretly rolling my eyes because - for real, lady, freak out over nothing, ever heard of the FDA? We have REGULATIONS in this Country. I couldn't have been more stupid, and I wish I could apologize to her today.

I think I first started eating organic stuff before Gray was born, but mostly because it tasted better and, hey, I'll pay for that! Becoming Gray's mommy, though, put things into a whole new perspective. So, without further ado, here's my list of why we eat mostly organic.

1. I'm a wildlife biologist and so I'll start with the birds and the bees. Ever heard of DDT? yup, it was a pesticide. One that killed untold numbers of animals before people realized - Hey! When bugs die, something eats them and when lots of bugs die from pesticides, something bigger eats lots of them and then has lots of poison in it! I'm not saying any current pesticide is as bad as DDT - but no one is saying they aren't, either. It doesn't take long for pesticides to get approved and really we have no idea what the long term repercussions could be for a particular pesticide. It's not like they are waiting 20 years to find out, either. If you haven't heard of Colony Collapse Disorder, you should Google it, and if you are thinking SO WHAT, I don't like bees anyway! then you are stupid because bees pollinate almost everything that needs to be pollinated - the stuff we eat, the pretty plants we like to look at, THE STUFF WE EAT. Without bees, we are screwed. Our food will have to be made in labs and hand pollinated and if you think that will be cheap, think again! Plus, I REALLY like honey. Please don't kill my bees. (My son, about 3 hours ago, was stung by a bee for the first time, so that tells you just how much I like bees as a whole because at that moment, I would've been happy to kill all of them.)

2. Thin-skinned fruits and veggies: Ever heard of the dirty dozen list? You should check it out. I was shocked and disgusted by the number of pesticides used on products but more importantly, the number of pesticides that foods tested positive for containing - not the outsides, not the skin - the actual part that you eat. If you do anything at all, start eating these foods organic.

3. Genetic Modification (GM): It sounds like something out of a Sci-Fi movie, but some foods have been genetically altered to allow them to be resistant to herbicides. The biggest of these is soy, but there are many others. In and of itself, it sounds pretty harmless and Hey! says 22 year old me That is the joy of living in 2010! We can screw around with stuff to make it better! But 31 year old me knows better. Genetic modification, like pesticides, hasn't been tested for long term repercussions and some people have pretty good reason to think it could be responsible for the rising rates of food allergies - especially those to peanuts, which are very closely related to soy. (Peanuts are actually more closely related to soy than to any nut). Not to even mention that soy is a "food" that people shouldn't really eat and potentially causes long-term reproductive problems because soy acts as an estrogen-mimicker. Soy may be partially to blame for the rising rates of male infertility and the lowered age of female menstruation. (I say partially to blame because I think the hormones present in conventional cow's milk is also responsible for these population-wide changes in US health). All of this, and soy is present in just about every conventional processed food imaginable.

4. Hormones in cow's milk. Antibiotics in cow's milk. Ick in cow's milk. Cows are given hormones in order to make more milk faster, which means more money for dairies, but it also means more mastitus and infections for cows, so they are also given antibiotics and sometimes the infections aren't really caught in time (or are now resistant to antibiotics) and so there is yucky cow pus coming out with the milk. But Hey! Don' worry about it! We totally pasteurize that stuff so we're all OK! The fact is, the hormones are probably responsible for rising male infertility and reproductive cancers as well as declining ages of female menstruation (which can be as early as 6 years old now!) Not even to mention issues like in the Potomac and Alberta Rivers where male fish are turning into female fish because of the exceptionally high levels of hormones like estrogen in the water.

5. Food Dyes: In some countries, like Britain, companies like M&M Mars, Coco-Cola, Kraft and Willy Wonka voluntarily removed artificial food dyes from their food products. Yup, that's right, no Federal mandates made them do it, they voluntarily took those food dyes out of their products and started using other, natural food dyes. Why? because the general public in these other countries started to realize that artificial food dyes weren't just unnecessary, they were unsafe and these companies realized that the best way to avoid federal mandates and make the public happy was to just go ahead and make the change. So why haven't they done it here? because there is no public outcry and it is cheaper. What are the consequences of food dyes? Hyperactivity & inability to control behavior (sound a lot like ADHD which has only in recent years become a diagnosis and has been steadily on the rise ever since?) are the worst offenders, but some parents have seen links to allergies and autism as well. In fact, one of the first rules to an autistic child's diet is to remove artificial food dyes. I try to avoid food dyes with Gray, but his Daddy swears other mac&cheeses don't taste the same and only eats Kraft. I don't make Kraft mac&cheese for Gray, but sometimes Daddy gives him some of his and seriously, it would make a believer out of anyone. An out-of-control 16 month old is totally for the birds.

6. High-fructose corn syrup (HFCS): I hate this product. It isn't really food, but it is in almost every conventional processed food product on the shelves, not even to mention every bottled drink. I was happy to notice in the last couple of months Gatorade has switched to sugar in their drinks! HFCS first off probably comes from genetically-modified corn crops, though there's no way to know for sure because manufacturers aren't required to tell you AT ALL if they use GM crops. HFCS tastes like sugar and has calories like sugar, but it doesn't act like sugar in your body and it is oh-so-much-cheaper than sugar, that the manufacturing companies love it. HFCS, although it tastes sweet, sends a signal to your brain that you are still hungry. Sugar, by contrast, signals your brain that you are getting some very sweet food. This is why you can eat more food with HFCS, because your brain doesn't realize you are full. You eat until you explode. I don't like this trait of HFCS, or that it may contain mercury, a known neurotoxin, but the thing I really hate about HFCS is that it isn't a real food. I can't grow some HFCS in my backyard. I can't go down to the Farmer's Market and pick some up when I run out. I can't even buy the right products and make some HFCS in my kitchen, like a cake. This worries me. Just like

7. Artificial sweeteners: I'm not going into too much detail, but for real, these things taste like chemicals, they are chemicals, your body treats them like chemicals and they probably cause cancer. Not for me! Thanks anyway! I'd rather eat stuff that isn't sweetened!

8. Organic tastes better. You may think this is a myth, but it really does. Go to your grocery store (or better yet, Farmer's Market) and buy an organic something and a conventional something. The only thing I've ever had organic that was awful was a peach from Whole Foods and I'm pretty sure that is because I live in peach country so I can get some mouth-watering running-down-your-chin juicy peaches just up the road a ways and I'm thinking Whole Foods' organic peaches were probably shipped in and maybe not harvested at their peak.

In Summary, I like organic because:

It tastes better! No cancer in my food! It is real! It wasn't produced in a lab! My kid isn't hyper, allergic to food or autistic because of it! It doesn't make my kids' junk broken! It doesn't ruin the environment, kill bees and other insects or make songbirds have 6 eyeballs! and lastly, it is the Color of Food, exactly what color my food should be, not neon orange cheese or blue drinks or rainbow candy!

Review: Rockin Green Soap ROCKS

We cloth diaper and for a while I used my own homemade laundry soap for everything, including Gray's diapers (though it was a different laundry soap, one that didn't include actual soap). It worked pretty well, especially considering how hard our water is (everything gets residue on it, yuck!) Though after a while, my diapers would start getting stinky. They wouldn't really stink when they came out of the dryer, but as soon as they got wet, WHEW! It was like an Elementary School's Boy's Bathroom in Gray's pants (or maybe High School? I think High School boys purposefully pee on the walls, whereas little boys accidentally do). It was pretty gross, not to mention embarrassing (I don't want people to think I don't change Gray frequently, or that his diapers aren't clean!) I'd end up stripping diapers every 2 weeks, which was a lengthy and time-consuming process of -

Cold rinse (to remove pees/poop residue)

HOT wash & soak (at least 4 hours) with blue Dawn and as many pots of boiling water as I could manage before the washer filled up (usually 3-6)

Hot washes/rinses until the water was no longer bubbly - sometimes as many as 6!

--so my washing machine would be tied up for at least 24 hours and then - even then!- sometimes I'd still get the stinkies. (Plus I didn't want to put anything PUL in there, or GroBaby shells because the velcro gets weak in super hot water, so I'd have to wash those items separately!)

BUT NOT ANYMORE! -and here's where I go all infomercial on you. (not really!) I heard about this detergent Rockin Green and wanted to try it but was a little worried about cost, especially if it didn't really work because I'm Frugal! (maybe this blog should be the Frugal Green Housewife... hmmmm). And then I heard that she was doing this whole new marketing thing and changing stuff and getting new scents (another thing I was worried about because I'm very sensitive to strong smells) so I held off - and tried to win my own bag - and waited... then she came out with the new stuff, which is 100% natural and organic and I bit the bullet! (I also learned that she is out of San Antonio and so I liked that I could get it LOCAL, too!) I ordered a sample of each scent (excluding orangevana and lavender mint revival b/c I thought I wouldn't be a big fan) and a full bag of the scent I thought I'd like the best - Motley Clean. First off, the scents are MARVELOUS! (I have since been to the store in San Antonio and smelled them all - and amazingly loved all of them!) Motley Clean & Plain Green T's are my two favorites - they smell clean and slightly sweet like grapefruit and linen. I also love Rage Against the Raspberries and Smashing Watermelons but they smell like Kool Aid to me so I feel like I might mistakenly mix them with water and drink.

BUT on to the important stuff - my fluff! I took 6 tablespoons of Rockin Green and threw it in the washer with my rinsed diapers, turned it on hot/heavy duty then soak and left it overnight. The next morning, I was disappointed to open the washer and see clear looking water! Argh! Then I turned the washer ON and Voila! yuck water! It was dingy in there - gray-brown water that I couldn't even see through. Apparently it had all sunk to the bottom. I rinsed the diapers 3 times, dried, and since that day, I have not had any stinkies. We LOVE Rockin Green so much, I've stopped making my own detergent and started using RnG on everything! I even use this detergent to clean - the kitchen, the floors, the carpets, the couch! It is magic! (I used it to clean my toilets this last weekend - it's awesome, great srubbing ability, all natural, organic and it smells nice!) My kitchen sink was disgusting - stains from foods (we have a white ceramic sink) and stains from tea and marks from pots and pans. I mixed RNG with enough water to make a paste and scrubbed the paste into the sink, then left until it dried and srubbed it back off - and ended up with a shiny, sparkley and most importantly, WHITE, sink.

My regular wash routine now is 2 tablespoons RnG into the washer on hot with my rinsed diapers, leave it to soak overnight and rinse in the morning. It works like a charm, and only using 2 tablespoons per load means one bag lasts for 45 loads! If you have an HE machine, you can cut the use in half (1 tbs per load) and get 90 loads from one bag. It is amazing stuff!

WIN YOUR OWN BAG of RnG! I'm keeping things simple because I hate those blog contests where you have to do 15 different things. So, please, if you haven't before, check out RNG's website, read about it. Find them on facebook and "like" them (you can get great hints from other mama's and find out fast about RnG giveaways and discounts!) and if you feel like it, find me, Squeaky Green Housewife, on facebook and friend me, too! Leave a comment below letting me know the scent you'd like to try and if you have hard, soft or regular water in your home. One comment per person, please! Giveaway ends September 17!

Toddler Nuggets

Am I the only sicko out there who gets extreme pleasure from making "nugget" jokes? Probably...

I made these super delicious (seriously, I eat half of them!) nuggets for Gray. I use all organic ingredients, and they still come out cheaper than buying Tyson Yuck ("Chicken") Nuggets at the store.

(I never use recipes, so excuse how totally random this seems, I'll do better in the future to actually make real recipes!)

1 lb turkey - I used 1/2 dark and 1/2 white meat from Whole Foods

about 1/4 cup cooked shredded or diced carrots

about 1/4 cup raw spinach shredded into tiny pieces (I did this by hand but it would be a lot easier with an actual shredder thing)

about 1/4 cup of shredded cheese

1 egg

a few completely smushed club crackers (I just had some leftover, so I smashed them and threw them in!)

Mix that all together really really good

Then smash up about 1 cup of crackers (I used Kashi stone-ground whole wheat crackers which are super crunchy) - the more you mash them up, the better, though I had some big pieces and it worked out OK, the smallest crumbs were best.

Take a teaspoon and scoop out some meat mixture, drop into the crushed crackers and smush a bit, flip over and smush again, then transfer it to a baking sheet (covered in a sheet of parchment paper, so the nuggets won't stick). Repeat about 36 times. Smush all of the nuggets down on the pan so they are relatively close to the same thickness (mine were around 1/3 inch or so) and then bake at 350 for 30-45 minutes. Just keep an eye on them, you don't want it to burn. You could probably flip about halfway through and that would be helpful for even baking, but I got sidetracked and did not do that. Once cooked, let cool for a little bit and then throw in the freezer! I just thaw them for 30 seconds in the microwave and serve!

My Perfect Little Model eating his nuggets (and avoiding his sweet potatoes!)

Politics

I know, it's a bad idea to talk politics, but I'm kind of sick of the USA at this point, so yeah, I'm going to talk politics.

Here's the thing, I'm not a democrat. Often, people assume because of my job in a very environmental organization that I am a hippie Liberal, but that is not so. Here's the other thing, I'm not a republican. I live in Texas, I grew up in Tennessee, I was in church from the time I was born until my mid-20's, a very strict, bible-thumping, conservative church, but I'm not a Republican.

I dream of a 3rd choice. I usually vote 3rd party, though they very rarely win anything (tides seem to be changing there, maybe, with all the Tea Party stuff lately). I'm what is called a Libertarian. No, not a librarian... a libertarian! I believe the Federal Government should control very few things, mostly military, interstates and international trade/relations. I'm sure I could find a few more things for that list if I thought really hard, but I'm lazy. My point is, the Federal Government should not determine things like abortion, or same-sex marriage, or even welfare. The Feds shouldn't take 25% of my paycheck, none of my paycheck should go to the Government for Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, or any other social programs. I think potentially there could be a Federal program for Healthcare, but not this government's, not the way the US manages things. I should be responsible for myself. And States can individually be responsible for the stuff that needs management. You would have 50 choices for the way things are done. Don't like that one state doesn't allow you to X? Move to this other state where that is totally kosher!

I hate welfare. Why do we have this welfare program? It's not welfare - or the state of being happy. It is perpetual poverty. It is a program that encourages you to not work, or if you do work - hide your income from the government! I believe in the "teach a man to fish" way of life. Welfare should be a limited use, supplemental loan. It should help people, temporarily, and be repaid before the program can be reused.

Last - I don't really understand how anyone can be against things like gay marriage. Why do people care? I don't care who you want to marry and you don't need me to care! But more than that, less than 100 years ago, I wouldn't have had a right to vote in this country because I have a vagina. (Or because I don't have a penis). Our President has stated that he is not in support of gay marriage, yet HE wouldn't have had the right to vote (or even to be a free man) in the last 150 years, his right to vote really wouldn't have happened until 1964 - that is within his own lifetime. This is the EXACT same issue - denying people rights based on their race, sex, sexuality - it is all the same, and it's all wrong. At what point will we stop discriminating?

World Breastfeeding Week or sumthing

So in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, I have some stories to share! About... breastfeeding! Who would have thought?

We had Gray's 1 year birthday party a week ago and a friend who is breastfeeding came to the party. She was feeding her baby (who is 7 months or so) and my husband was talking to her (about beer or some such) without realizing she was breastfeeding. Then he suddenly realized that she was breastfeeding and got all awkward and walked away. This is totally strange to me - he watches me breastfeed Gray every single day. Usually when he gets up in the morning to go to work, Gray is breastfeeding. He's obviously fine (and still talks to me and everything!) when I'm nursing Gray, but he realizes that a friend (though he'd only just met her) is breastfeeding and he gets all awkward and teenager-y. Which was pretty much the deciding factor that I needed to breastfeed in public more often because my husband, who see's it all the time, is awkward about it, probably because I'm the only woman he's ever seen breastfeed! Gah! Time to put an end to this nonsense!

Not enough women breastfeed, which is sad. And those that do are often shamed about it (in the USA) and hide in back rooms. I refuse to hide anymore, if people don't want to see my baby feeders, don't look :) I was at the Farmer's Market this weekend, and afterwards me and Gray always play in the nice soft grass (which is a rarity in Texas) in front of the Courthouse until Gray gets tired and then we go home. So we're playing in the grass and he gets hungry for some milkies so I start BFing... and some guy is STARING at me and it got me to wondering if he was staring thinking that he knows me but couldn't place me (he did know me, though only casually) or if he was actually trying to make me feel uncomfortable (he did) or if he was just staring off into space and I just happened to be in that general direction? It was awkward.

Last, a note to new moms of boys, especially those that plan to breastfeed. Little boys like to play with their junk. They get boners. They like to play with their junk while breastfeeding, if they are able. They will give themselves a boner, while breastfeeding. That is awkward. Totally natural and all, and actually really funny to me... but you should know. Just FYI. Be prepared.

Gray's 1st Year

I hope you enjoy!

Uno!

Today my son is one. In some ways, the past year seems like a lifetime to me, too. I don't remember what life was like before Gray. That girl that I used to be who took risks just for the thrill is a fond memory in my mind, but she's not me anymore. That baby, the tiny 5 lb 7 ounce newborn narcoleptic that we brought home from the hospital? That's not Gray anymore, either. He is strong, independent, happy. He loves to be worn, loves to be naked, loves to be a big boy. He asserts his opinion without ever saying a word. When he's thirsty he will point to my glass of water, or climb to it if it is within reach. When he's done drinking he pushes the glass away with his hands and gives me a stern look. He gets excited when me and Daddy share a hug or kiss and walks over to get his hugs and kisses, too, with a big grin on his face and pure joy in his eyes. He kicks and squirms to be put down when we're outside, sometimes at his own peril. When he's done in the bath, he comes to the edge of the tub, looks me in the eye and lifts his left leg - always the left leg - out of the tub. When I say "Are you ready to get out?" and reach for his towel, he puts his leg down, grins, and reaches his arms high in the air.

He understands things now and it is an amazing gift to get to watch him learn. He knows that eyes are for seeing and he will peek into small spaces to see what is beyond. He knows how to push the top off the ottoman, but sometimes instead he just pushes it enough so there is a tiny crack, then he kneels down and squints in the crack to see what is inside. Other days he empties the ottoman of its' contents and pushes it around, so proud of himself you'd think he was pushing around a cart of gold. Just this last week he learned he can pull stuff, too. He pushed the ottoman across the room and then pulled it back, taking these funny exaggerated steps because he didn't quite understand how to pull and walk at the same time. Sometimes he gets down on his belly to see what is under the coffee table and I love watching him squat and look, get on knees and look, then finally get on his belly to get a good long look under the table.

He climbs everything. Nothing more can be said here because he gives me a heart attack every time, but I know it's only going to get worse. I fully expect he will have climbed to the ceiling by his next birthday.

He loves to be hung upside-down. He cracks up and it is hilarious for me, too. It's also the only time I can get a good look at his teeth (which are still in his gums) and see how they are progressing. Maybe someday he will get a tooth. Maybe today.

I know now that each day is fleeting. I remember the days when he woke up at 11 pm and stayed awake until 3 or 4 or 5 am and just how frustrated I'd be trying to get him back to sleep. I wish I'd been able to appreciate those first days a little more. Sometimes I get a glimpse of that newborn, at night when Gray nurses he rolls over to me and makes pitiful puppy sounds until he gets latched on and then sucks hard with a "MMMMmmm" like he's a dehydrated man in the desert who just found a spring, and I remember that newborn, with the ridges in his head, eyes that doodled all around and hands that spontaneously, uncontrollably, grabbed at the air.

This past year has been a blur and a lifetime. I love Gray more than I ever knew was possible. He inspires me to be a better person, a better mama. I hope he is better than me, smarter than me, kinder than me. I hope he is happy, successful, amazing. He is everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. My sweet boy is one today. Happy birthday, Gray. I love you.

My Reading List: Unconditional Parenting

I recently checked out the book Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. The general idea of the book (and he has quite a bit of research and citations included) is that traditional, conventional, conditional parenting does not work - rewarding good behavior (including everything from "Good Job!" type praise rewards to money, presents, trips "I'll take you to the zoo on Friday if you good at dinner Thursday night!", etc.) makes kids NOT want to do the behavior in it's own right - they only want to do it for the reward (even in very young children, one of the reason we don't give Gray "Good Job!"'s for going potty is because then he won't want to potty because that is just what you do, he'll want to potty for the reward of recognition). Research has shown that toddlers who are given recognition for sharing ("Good Sharing!") are less likely to share if an adult isn't around to recognize and verbally praise them next time. (What other options do you have? Asking why - "Gray, I saw you share with your friend, why did you do that?" or just recognizing without putting conditions on the actions "I saw you share ___ toy with your friend" or not saying anything!) And the punishments, of which I'm sure we're all completely familiar and don't really need examples - taking away privileges, spanking and probably the worst offense - time out. (Why would I say time outs are the worst? because it is the epitome of actions that say "I don't love you right now, stay away from me until you conform to my desires and then I will love you again"). The goal of unconditional parenting is to let kids know that you love them ALL the time, when they are getting into the trash can, when they are crying, when they are frustrating, when they are "naughty", when they are great, when they are mediocre. And research shows that children who are allowed to be children are BETTER behaved - don't need to act out, are more verbal in their actions and will talk about WHY something happened. And when children are allowed to participate in their own learning, they are less likely to repeat those negative behaviors. (Does this work 100% of the time? no. But I've yet to meet a child who is 100% perfect.)

Everything mentioned in this book resonates with me. It strikes me to my core, the points made about conditional parenting, carrots and sticks (rewards and punishments), how children respond to parents and how children learn. It rings true to me. However, the entire time reading this book, there is a little devil in the back of my mind saying "impossible!" My entire life has been surrounded by conditional love, teachers, rewards, punishments. Religion is conditional (be good, go to heaven, be bad, go to hell, be good, God rewards you, be bad, Satan is leading you, etc.) Jobs are conditional (money is the reward, or sometimes achievements such as plaques and "good jobs!"). School was definitely conditional (grades are in themselves a conditional learning "tool" - which doesn't work). My parents were extremely conditional, more my mom than my dad, though definitely both (I got whipped with the belt more than once, had to pick a switch more than once, and got the rewards side, too - money, presents, etc. and always felt like my parents would not love me anymore if I failed classes - like once I'd made an "A", I set myself up to be an "A" student or my parents would be disappointed - which they were, on occasion).

My point is, conditions have been drilled into me since I was born. So how will I be able to completely change my behavior and responses with Gray in order to be an unconditional parent? I feel like I need to copy pages and phrases from this book and post them everywhere - my drawers, my fridge, my front door, my underwear. :)

Baby steps, is what I've decided. Be the turtle. Slow and steady. I'll learn right alongside Gray - as he does, and I'm sure it will be a process. I'm sure I will make mistakes and hopefully I will learn from them.

Boob Tube

I mostly don't really like TV. When I was in Grad School, for 9 months out of the year I lived in a bunkhouse on a 40,000 acre ranch and I had no TV. It was AWESOME. Dale and I went on our honeymoon to Dolan Falls on the Devil's River and there is no TV or phone or even cell signal out there and that is also fabulous and one of my favorite places to be in the whole world.

Anyhow, I mostly don't like TV but I watch it anyway. I watch shows like Grey's Anatomy because I've been watching since it started and I feel obligated to continue, though I really mostly have it on while I am doing something else. I probably couldn't tell you half of what went on this past season, even though I watched every episode. I do like the CSI shows and most shows on Showtime and HBO (Dexter is way awesome) and we also love Breaking Bad and Mad Med. I like to see HGTV because sometimes it gives me ideas for our house and it also gives me inspiration to do it myself. I prefer to watch most of these shows while I'm working because it distracts my brain so I can concentrate. That's weird, I know, but my High School was in pods and all rooms were connected so there was always noise, even when you were taking a test in your classroom, some other class was being lectured or having a discussion or watching a movie.

Usually the TV will be off in our house until Dale gets home and then he turns it on because he is one of those people who always wants the TV on. Sometimes he comes home, turns the TV on and then leaves the room and does something else for an hour or more.

Since I already don't much like TV, it really annoys me when I do like a show and it gets cancelled. I started watching ABC's Happy Town this year. I figured it would be like last year's Harpers Island and I probably wouldn't be much impressed with the writing or acting, but Happy Town has pleasantly surprised me and has been a darn good mystery, one that I got a little caught up in and was excited to hear the ending. (Though I am cautious about good mysteries since LOST and it's junky finale!) So what does ABC do? Cancel it. Of course. With only 2 episodes left in the season, which I think is pretty stupid, could they really not find time to air 2 more episodes? Not only that, but it was slated to play last night (they even advertised it) and instead they ran a rerun of House. I don't get that at all. You can see the last 2 episodes of the season on Hulu for free, but don't expect it to tie up the whole show in a neat little bow - the MagicMan is revealed but you don't find out why or how or where all the people are hidden. My hope is some other channel will pick up this show and run Season 2 so more can be revealed!

What shows do you love? Any disappointments in cancelled shows? I was pleasantly surprised with "Justified" on FX this year, I was afraid all season it would get cancelled but they made it a whole season and are slated for season 2! Also it is based off of books (Leonard Elmore, I think, it's on my list to get at the library) so IF it got cancelled, I could always read the books and those are better, anyway. Though I think Timothy Olyphant is kind of a hottie. :)

Plum Organics Winner

Thanks EcoMom for sponsoring our first giveaway! Random.org chose comment #30 - Ryan and Amanda - as our winner! Please email me with your full name and address so we can get you your prize! Thanks everyone!

Breast Feeding

I'm shocked and amazed at all the "celebrities" who have recently made attacks against breast feeding. I get that breast feeding isn't for everyone (though, in my opinion, it is the uneducated/selfish mother who doesn't even try), but I do not understand how a person can deny that breast feeding is best for babies and also completely natural. And no, Adrianne Curry, not natural like a sexual act, natural like eating a sandwich for lunch or having a glass of iced tea on a hot summer's day, two things you've probably never done since they might interfere with your cocaine habit/weight loss.

I didn't even know who Adrianne Curry was until I read that she'd compared breast feeding to cunnilingus, proclaimed breasts to be "sexual organs" and compared breast feeding women to mother dogs. What kills me about her words and those of Kim Kardashian is that both of them run around with sexual body parts hanging out and neither are mothers. I don't care about your opinions, ladies, you are both idiots, pretty things to put in the centerfold for men to stare at. No one is staring at your brains! So do yourselves a favor and keep your mouths shut. Better to be quiet and have people think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.

A Very Good Day

Yesterday we went to Landa Park swimming pool. They have a nice baby pool with water ranging from 2.5 feet to 1 foot to a slanted "beach" (it is painted brown to look like sand but is concrete, so not so easy on those baby knees) along with one of those giant mushroom spray things (when we left there were 3 ADULTS sitting under it - what is wrong with people? this is the BABY pool!) and a little slide for the bigger kids. Unfortunately the spring-fed pool was closed down because of the recent flood (still cleaning it and it is full of mud!) so all the slides over on that pool were not open, which meant all the big kids (middle school) from the day cares were all in the baby pool slide. There's also an Olympic pool that was open, but it is pretty boring, just water in a hole, no slides or fountains or whatever. (and seriously, on every ladder and the one staircase, there were 15 kids hanging on who obviously didn't swim so well - but it made it VERY hard to get in the pool with a baby. I remember when I was a kid, the life guards would call you out and tell you to move for hanging onto the ladders!)

Gray crawled on the "beach" for a while. He would crawl down into the water, which was 1 foot deep, and almost drown, over and over again. There was apparently supposed to be some type of toy on the beach, because there are screws sticking up from the ground, and they had covered these with a highway cone. Gray thought the highway cone was the biggest nipple he had ever seen and he tried his best to nurse that thing. We swam in the big pool some, too. Then Gray started making the sign for "nursing" so it was time to go. (Plus me and Missy were HUNGRY!)

The pool definitely wore Gray out, because he fell asleep as soon as we were back in the truck and didn't wake up even when we went in the restaurant, or for the whole hour or so we were eating lunch! He hasn't stayed asleep when removed from a vehicle since he was about 3 months old. Which makes me want to take him swimming EVERYDAY.

I hope he grows up to love the water!

Childbirth - What I will do differently the 2nd time around

I did a lot of research on childbirth, starting before I was ever even pregnant. A peaceful homebirth rang true for me, felt right in my bones, was everything I dreamed of for my sweet little newborn. I'd already found our midwife before we got that positive pregnancy test and called to set up our first appointment when I was just 6 weeks along.

The way things ended up, I think was probably unavoidable. I did everything possible to not get preeclampsia, but still ended up with a BP of 167/117 lying on my left side when I checked into the hospital. Not the worst I've heard, but bad enough for me that I was going into kidney failure and Gray was growth restricted (though we didn't know it until after he was delivered). Once I got pre-e, it was all over, I think. No matter what happened, I would've been sick about his birth. I don't like drugs and I especially don't like the idea of my baby being on drugs. I didn't get any pain medication until just before my Cesarean (a spinal block). I only took a total of 6 pain meds after my Cesarean, 1 every 6 hours. I hated that he was doped up with Pitocin and Magnesium Sulfate for hours and hours before his birth. So I think even if I'd been able to deliver vaginally, I would still be sick about his birth.

There were some things I could've changed, though. I wish I hadn't been so trusting of my midwives. I wish I'd had an OB throughout my pregnancy who would've been on-board with my desires for Gray. I wish I would've planned for a Cesarean just to have had those details ironed out, because I am a detail person. I like to make lists. I like to be prepared. I did have a birth plan, but no one at the hospital cared, especially not the OB. I should've had an OB I'd talked to long before and had sign off on my birth plan.

The thing I wanted for Gray was a natural birth. That chance was shot as soon as we got to the hospital, there is nothing natural about what goes on behind those L&D doors. I wanted no drugs, but within 30 minutes of checking in, I was on an IV of Mag Sulfate. By nights end, I had pitocin, too. Every nurse that came in the door wanted to give me an epidural, though I never gave in and specifically requested that they stop asking. (I knew enough to avoid the whole pitocin-epidural downward spiral of fetal heart rate). The thing is, I HAD done my research and that's the whole reason I wanted a home birth. I wanted no immunizations for Gray, no poking, no prodding, no blood tests, no removing him from me and Dale. The biggest thing, though? I wanted his umbilical cord to remain intact. It was very important to me that Gray get all of his own blood, that the cord not be cut until it stopped pulsing. That is the issue on which I feel like my midwives failed me the most. It's a very simple gauge of a doctor, to ask their stance on immediate cord clamping. When I brought it up with the OB, she said "I never delay cord clamping because once the baby is born, blood flows backwards out of the baby into the cord and out of your placenta." That OB was really that big of a moron and I was completely powerless to do anything about it, because I was already checked into the hospital under her care, to leave I would have to get off of IV's, remove a catheter (that I shouldn't have had in the first place), get my clothes and check out AMA. (If you don't know anything about cord clamping, please educate yourself, for the sake of your children).

So the next time around, I'll have a dual plan of attack. I'll have a midwife, in case I don't have pre-eclampsia again and I can have a homebirth, but I will also have a progressive OB who understands and agrees with my desires for my child. If I have to have a repeat Cesarean, I will have a lotus birth (where the umbilical cord and placenta remain intact). (One of the other things we wanted for Gray was to plant a Placenta Tree - but we weren't able to because the hospital incinerated his placenta, even though we specifically requested it be given back to us). I will not allow for my baby to leave me, even if I have a Cesarean. There's no reason for the baby to leave my room or my side. It just came out of my body - how could it possibly cause an infection or anything else? I will plan, next time, for a Cesarean, and hopefully I will be pleasantly surprised and not need one at all. But I will be prepared, and I won't trust that someone else cares enough about me to ask the right questions. I will do that myself.

First Steps

It is probably time for me to write about this, since it happened over 2 months ago...

On Gray's 9 month birthday (April 22nd) we were just sitting around watching some TV and Gray was playing in the living room. We have 2 ottomans (ottomen? haha) and they were out under our feet and Gray was crawling around, standing up with the help of whatever was above him, sitting down "PLOP" on his butt, standing without holding on, etc. And also getting into trouble, because he is always doing that.

He crawls over to my ottoman and stands up, then lets go and is standing there looking at me. It was a pivotal moment because I saw a look in his eyes and knew he was contemplating doing something big. His eyes are dark, kind of a greeny brown (still not completely brown for unknown reasons) and he always looks just a little bit mischievous. That night was no exception, but he also had this look of pure determination and bravery.He stood there looking at me for maybe 3 seconds. Our eyes connected. He gave me his little half grin and took off. Three, maybe 4 tiny little steps with no support and landing in my arms a squealing, kicking, happy little monster.

That was it. No leading up to it, probably the opposite in that we don't encourage him to walk because he gets into too much stuff the way it is. After those tiny first steps I felt sure that we were on the precipice and he would be zooming around on 2 legs right away. But that's just not the way Gray goes about life. He prefers to make these huge paradigm shifts and then just go about business as usual for a few more weeks or months. Since that day, he's walked a handful of times. He can walk beside you holding one of your hands (or both) and he will sneak a walk in if it is a short distance - from one object to another (or to me). He mostly still prefers to crawl, though, and sometimes when I try to walk with him holding one of my hands he will sit instead, so he can crawl, because him crawling is faster than me walking and is way faster than him walking.

Giveaway: Plum Organics

My very first super sweet giveaway! I'm SO excited!

I received Plum Organics products from Ecomom (Eco-friendly baby Products - Ecomom), including some apple-carrot fiddlesticks, 2 toddler mish mashes (peach and strawberry) and 2 baby pouches (spinach, peas & pear and pumpkin & banana), plus some Plum dispensing spoons by boon (these just attach to the pouch for seriously easy feeding as well as no used spoon mixing into your baby food and getting germs down in there, so I feel a little safer refrigerating leftovers for use later).

I gave Gray a fiddlestick right away. (Right away after I tried it, of course!) I like that these are gluten-free and also are very soft textured, so I feel like the choking hazard is diminished. Even though Gray had just finished eating dinner, he went right after the fiddlestick and ate the whole thing like it was candy, so I'd say that was a hit!

(Gray guiltily eating his first fiddlestick - he'd had a long day of sun and swimming in the river, so he was worn out.)

We had some of the mish mash and pouches over the last couple of days. He's liked everything he's tried and I think these would be great for moms who are super busy, it is so simple to just throw one in the diaper bag (or open up for a quick meal!) I don't really like the boon spoon, when you squeeze out the food it is all at the back of the spoon which makes it harder to feed to a baby. It also didn't have a solid handle, since the pouch of food is the "handle" so that took some getting used to. I tried just squeezing directly into a baby spoon and that worked really well for us.

EcoMom's website is very easy to navigate and there is a cool program called EcoPass where you pay a $99 annual membership and get 15% off every order plus free shipping on any order! I think if you were planning to use this as your main baby food source, it would be a great program.

EcoMom is giving all of our readers 15% off their first order! Use coupon code SBBL435 offer good until June 30, 2010.

And now for the Giveaway!!!! EcoMom is giving one lucky reader $15 in Plum or Revolution foods!

To enter the giveaway, leave a comment letting us know you've done any of the following (multiple entries encouraged!) I'll draw a winner on June 30th, 2010! Contest only open to entrants in the US and Canada.

Mandatory Entry: Check out EcoMom's website (www.ecomom.com) and let me know 1 product you would love to try - there are so many products aside from just baby food (and way more food products than I got to review!) 1 entry

Entry #2: Follow EcoMom on twitter (1 entry)

Entry #3: Become a fan of EcoMom on Facebook (1 entry)

Entry #4: Join the EcoMom newsletter (1 entry)

Entry #5: Publicly follow my blog (1 entry)

Entry #6: Follow me on facebook (1 entry) {Note: There's nothing going on over there yet because I just started the page, but there will be!}

Entry #7: Tweet about this giveaway including @rachaellindsey and @ecomom as well as a link to this blog (1 per day)

Good Luck everyone!

* I was given products to review but was not compensated for this review. This review is completely my own opinion and does not represent those of Plum Organics, EcoMom, or anyone else.