Monday, April 27, 2009

Feeling Douchey

Yesterday Dale noticed there were a couple of charges on my credit card that he wasn't aware of me making. One was to Dell Computers for $146 and the other was to St. Jude's for $5.

I wasn't aware of myself making those charges either!

I called the credit card and got the charges cancelled. This morning I called Dell and got their fraud department involved, also called St. Jude's and felt like the biggest douchebag ever, recalling a $5 donation to St. Jude's. They totally could've guilted me into giving them WAY more.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Thanksgiving in April

April has been a rough month for me for a very long time. My dad died in April and every year I have the hardest time making it through April happily.
I'm a little bit obsessed with reading all the sad baby stories I can find, even though every single one makes me sob and worry. This week (my 25th week) I've finally come to realize how lucky I am - at least so far. I've been thankful, for the first time in April, during the week that my dad died, the week that one of my best friends was blessed with a beautiful angel baby who only lived one month - I've been thankful this week that my baby boy kicks strongly in my belly and answers my worried mama voice with a hefty little hand on my bladder. I've been thankful for my only problems being nausea, occasional heartburn, not being able to find a comfortable position anymore at night. I've been thankful for a single ultrasound during which my son looked perfect.
2 weeks ago a friend of my best friend lost her baby on the day of her scheduled C-section. I haven't really talked to anyone about it because I don't know what to say. Baby tragedy seems to surround my life, like a cloud of mosquitos, yet I remain bite free, my own baby kicks steadily and my body remains completely healthy. It is so unfair, for me to have this healthy pregnancy, to have a healthy son, without any work at all. It scares me that something will go unthinkably wrong because I don't think I can cope like these strong women around me. How do you go on living without your baby?
If you would've asked me last year, I'm sure I would've said 9 months flies by in a flash, too quickly to notice. But now - living every second with this baby on my mind, I know that 9 months is the time it takes for me to love someone who isn't even here yet, someone I've never seen with my eyes, more than anything on Earth. 9 months is the time it takes for me to wish my life in exchange for another, should anything ever happen to him. 9 months is an unbearably long period of time during which I wait for this little one to grow and be healthy and strong.
For all the mothers who have shared their stories, thank you for helping me realize how thankful I should be. Thank you for reminding me of the precious life I have growing in me and the gift I've been given. My heart is with you.